To The Couple That’s Been Trying

I know how you feel. Alone. Grieved. Desperate. Angry.

I’ve been there. Sometimes, I still go there. My husband and I have experienced infertility for over 10 years, and even after adopting, that same sense of loss and grief can resurface from time to time.

Maybe you’re struggling through infertility now. Maybe you have experienced a miscarriage. Maybe you have birthed children, but no longer can. Maybe you have a friend who is infertile (and if you are reading this, what a great friend you are!)

Wherever you are in the journey, it can be difficult.

Most couples experiencing infertility don’t talk about it. We think we are alone. And we think other people won’t understand, or won’t know what to say. We may struggle when someone else gets pregnant. We may have a hard time celebrating at someone else’s baby shower. We may struggle with our spouse because of the stress infertility and trying to conceive puts on our marriage. We may question what is wrong with us; if children are a blessing from the Lord, why are we cursed?

Why do I tell you these struggles?

So that you know you aren’t alone. One in eight couples experience infertility. It affects men as well as women. And while you may find tremendous heartache, suffering, and desperation in the middle of it, we have to share what we’re going through to help others.

Here are three ways I have found to cope with infertility:

  • A support system

Whether it is other couples that have or are walking through infertility or an online support resource like Hannah’s Prayer (, join with others that can help you navigate the ups and downs. Talking about my journey, and asking others to hold me accountable during my struggle, have been a tremendous help.

  • Prayer

Seek God about His plan for your family. Let Him lead you, and listen to His guidance. His plan for your family may be different from His plan for another couple. In the beginning, we pursued fertility treatments, at the same time we were foster parents, at the same time we applied for an international adoption. One-by-one, through prayer and fasting, God opened and closed doors for us and led us to adopt through foster care.

  • Leaning on God’s Word
  • Proverbs 3:5 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”
  • 1 John 5:14-15 – “And we are confident that He hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him. And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for.”
  • Philippians 4:6 – “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.”
  • Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

We struggle. But we can’t live in the struggle. God is so faithful. We aren’t defined by what we don’t have; we are defined by what we DO have – HIM. And in Him, we have HOPE.

Be encouraged. God hasn’t forgotten about you. He knows what He’s doing.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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5 thoughts on “To The Couple That’s Been Trying

  1. I have been there, I know the struggle. I was blessed with a beautiful daughter who is now 8 months old, but I still feel the heart ache that infertility brought on and I have a very special place in my heart for those struggling to conceive.

    • Stephanie,
      Thank you for sharing your experience, and I’m so glad to hear that you have a precious little one! May God use your testimony to strengthen and encourage others.

  2. Thank you for your words of wisdom.💜
    Steven and I have three wonderful children out of seven pregnancies.
    It was so hard until we turned it over to God and His plans. He knows the plans He has for all of us if we will just learn to walk His plan.
    We sometimes find it hard when we don’t understand but, He didn’t call us to understand . He only ask us to trust Him. That He has proven over and over. He IS TRUSTWORTHY

    • Hey Mrs. Joyce!
      You are such a great picture of faithfulness, and you are absolutely right – He doesn’t call us to understand, but instead to fully trust in Him! Love you!