To The Couple That’s Been Trying

I know how you feel. Alone. Grieved. Desperate. Angry.

I’ve been there. Sometimes, I still go there. My husband and I have experienced infertility for over 10 years, and even after adopting, that same sense of loss and grief can resurface from time to time.

Maybe you’re struggling through infertility now. Maybe you have experienced a miscarriage. Maybe you have birthed children, but no longer can. Maybe you have a friend who is infertile (and if you are reading this, what a great friend you are!)

Wherever you are in the journey, it can be difficult.

Most couples experiencing infertility don’t talk about it. We think we are alone. And we think other people won’t understand, or won’t know what to say. We may struggle when someone else gets pregnant. We may have a hard time celebrating at someone else’s baby shower. We may struggle with our spouse because of the stress infertility and trying to conceive puts on our marriage. We may question what is wrong with us; if children are a blessing from the Lord, why are we cursed?

Why do I tell you these struggles?

So that you know you aren’t alone. One in eight couples experience infertility. It affects men as well as women. And while you may find tremendous heartache, suffering, and desperation in the middle of it, we have to share what we’re going through to help others.

Here are three ways I have found to cope with infertility:

  • A support system

Whether it is other couples that have or are walking through infertility or an online support resource like Hannah’s Prayer (www.hannah.org), join with others that can help you navigate the ups and downs. Talking about my journey, and asking others to hold me accountable during my struggle, have been a tremendous help.

  • Prayer

Seek God about His plan for your family. Let Him lead you, and listen to His guidance. His plan for your family may be different from His plan for another couple. In the beginning, we pursued fertility treatments, at the same time we were foster parents, at the same time we applied for an international adoption. One-by-one, through prayer and fasting, God opened and closed doors for us and led us to adopt through foster care.

  • Leaning on God’s Word
  • Proverbs 3:5 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”
  • 1 John 5:14-15 – “And we are confident that He hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him. And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for.”
  • Philippians 4:6 – “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.”
  • Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

We struggle. But we can’t live in the struggle. God is so faithful. We aren’t defined by what we don’t have; we are defined by what we DO have – HIM. And in Him, we have HOPE.

Be encouraged. God hasn’t forgotten about you. He knows what He’s doing.

Scared of Being Hurt? Is that Selfish – I think YES! Read below…

This is a Guest Post by Nicki Olinde. She is wife to Chad, mom to Griff, teacher, leader and now foster mom. You can catch up with her on Instagram or contact her by Email at nicki.olinde@claibornechristian.org.

“You need to make sure you have a lice kit on hand; inspect any belongings they bring for tiny critters.” This was one of the warnings we received during our training to become certified foster parents.

So, we were prepared. Just like I was prepared before our son was born 16 years ago. I had cassette tapes recorded with perfect labor and deliver music and a well-thought-out birth plan. So, yeah, despite my preparation, NOTHING went according to plan, and I quickly realized that many things were out of my control.

Last week, the extra room was ready, all recommended supplies on hand, a new stuffed animal on the bed to comfort a nameless, faceless hurting child. Still, as we stood on the porch waiting for the caseworker to “make the drop,” we were overwhelmed with all of the unknowns, again things that were completely out of our control.

My mind raced with questions: Would he be sad, angry? Would he run to us or run from us? What is his favorite color? Would he like my cooking? Wait, I don’t cook.

Then, the side door of that mini-van opened, and EVERYTHING seemed to grow quiet and still. I remember the same exact feeling when I lay on the C-section table and heard Griffith’s muffled little cry for the first time. It was as though the world stood still and my heart was flooded with this supernatural love, joy, & peace in an instant. Last Tuesday, when I saw that little face grinning at me, when his skinny little five-year-old